Back Pain, Cannabis, and Crying in My Bedroom (A Survival Story)
Years ago, I tweaked my back doing something totally ordinary. Nothing wild. Just a little injury that never really went away. Since then, it flares up when I least expect it and ruins everything. This week? It came back with full vengeance energy.
I woke up with my lower back locked in a deep spasm. Pain level? Solid 8 or 9. The kind of pain that makes crying alone in your bedroom feel completely logical. Sitting was miserable. Standing made me dizzy. Lying down barely helped. I felt like I was bracing my entire body just to exist. Eventually, I got in to see someone and got a prescription for muscle relaxers, and they did help. But I had to wait. Wait for the appointment. Wait for the prescription. Wait for it to kick in.
In the meantime, cannabis got me through. It calmed my nervous system just enough to breathe. Just enough to function. It didn’t fix the pain, but it helped me survive it. That counts.
How I Brought the Pain Down from a 9 to a Sort-Of-Manageable 5
When you’re at a 9, you’re not shooting for perfection. You’re just trying to get to a place where your body isn’t screaming and your brain can turn back on. For me, that place is around a 5. Not great, but possible. Here’s what’s actually been helping:
Small hits of flower, spaced out
I don’t rip giant bowls when I’m in this kind of pain. It just makes me cloudy. Instead, I take a hit or two, wait, see how I feel. Then maybe I come back for more. It’s more about keeping the edge off than getting blasted. And yes, the strain matters.
The Two Strains That Have Actually Helped
Ben and Gary’s
This one is mellow, grounding, and kind. I’ve been using it during the day when I still need to talk to people or move around. It helps me stop spiraling when the pain spikes. I can sit up straighter. I can breathe deeper. It softens the sharp edges without knocking me out.
Wedding Cake
This is my “shut it all down” strain. When I hit my limit and everything hurts, this one helps my body let go. It’s heavier, more sedating, and exactly what I need to get out of panic mode. I’ve been using it at night or anytime I feel like I’m about to snap. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes it quieter.
Topical Relief with THC Balm
This week I’ve been using Ceres Dragon Balm, which I picked up at a dispensary. Not sponsored, just something that worked. It’s got that warm-then-cool sensation and has been a lifesaver for the surface tension in my back and hips. I’ve been rubbing it in a few times a day. Usually, I make my own infused balm with MCT oil and herbs like lavender and mint, but I haven’t had the energy to make anything lately. I’m just glad I had something on hand that helped. No gatekeeping. If it works, I’ll tell you.
Heat and Movement (When I Can)
Once the pain comes down a little, I try to add in heat. A heating pad, a hot bath, even just sitting in a sun patch on the floor helps. Then, if I’m able, I do some really slow movement. Gentle stretches, rocking on a yoga ball, hip openers. Nothing intense. Just enough to stop feeling stuck.
Pain Like This Changes Everything
When you’re at an 8 or 9, it’s not just about the physical pain. It messes with your mood. Your focus. Your ability to even want to be around other people. You can’t sleep. You can’t plan anything. You just try to get through the hour in front of you. Cannabis didn’t fix it. But it helped me hang on. It gave me space to rest until the other tools could kick in. It helped me not lose my mind in the meantime.
If you’re in that place right now, I see you. You’re not weak. You’re not being dramatic. You’re just in a body that’s demanding too much. And if you have some Ben and Gary’s or Wedding Cake on hand, light it up. See if it helps. Even a little relief is worth celebrating. This is not medical advice. I am not a doctor. I’m just someone who lived through a very unfun week in her body and came out the other side still standing. Barely. But still.
You’re not alone.
<3 Michelle
